Ever have something you don’t want to talk about, but know deep down you have to talk about it? Yup. I’m having one of those HEY WAKE UP and talk/listen idiot! Life is here, and it’s smacking you in the face!
What the hell am I talking about? Work. NOT being a SAHM anymore. Something I don’t really want to do, but it’s finally possibly the right time in our lives for me to go to work Full Time. You see I work part time, every Saturday morning I put in my two hours at the Post Office. I LOVE what I do! Honestly I love it, I love the people, I love the challenge of finding people and connecting them with that long lost card from Grandma. Did I mention that I love the people and interacting with them?
You see there is a chance for me to go full time in July 2011. By then Kaitlynn will be almost 4, and headed to preschool in the fall. BUT for me to get there, I’ve got to put in full time hours for less than full time pay. I need to find a full time sitter that won’t charge me an arm & half my right leg to let me drop the girls in at a day or two’s notice! Because really that’s what’s stopping me. . . .
Or so I thought. As Joel and I were talking about it tonight, I realized. That’s not what’s holding me back. Heck look, I did it for 6 weeks, and then another 6 weeks, and then yet another 6 weeks before I was finally able to stay home full time. That’s when it hit me that it wasn’t daycare that was holding me back.
It’s the possibility of us having another baby. Possibility. You see because right now I’d love to believe that God has another baby in his great big plan for us. But I’m not certain. Uncertainty is what holds me back. I deeply WANT another baby, I would cherish one with open arms, even if that baby wasn’t physically/mentally healthy. I just long to hold another baby, MY baby in my arms.
At the same time, it’s time. It’s time for me to get a job, and help support my family. Times are hard, and jobs like this don’t come along to most people. Straight out of high school, with no college education, and I could make MORE than my husband. Who by the way went to College for two year, earned his Associates Degree.
For the last 7 years I have been a Stay at Home mom. I’ve welcomed 2 more babies, cried over the loss of one, and well enjoyed every stinking minute of it.
But we’re in a time when the Economy SUCKS. And that’s nicely put. Along with whatever the Obama new healthcare bill will do to us, I’m scared. I’m scared for where our family will be in 5 years. Because in 5 years I’ll have a 12, 10, 8 year olds. Two ALMOST teenage girls. We all know what that will mean. Name brand jeans, shoes, hair & makeup.
We’re at a point in our family life that we could really benefit from a two income family. We could save, actually save money, instead of living paycheck to paycheck. We could pay for our children’s college…and YES I do insist they go to college.
So I’m torn, what to do. Because really if I go for this job, I’m probably going to say good bye to the hopes of wanting another baby.
What would you do?
I understand your thoughts. We are so much more alike than what I realized. My husband too has an associates degree and I don't have more than a high school education (and 1 semester of college). I think you need to think of it this way: life is full of possibilities. Going back to work now doesn't mean you HAVE to sacrifice having another baby. You can work now to have/save money now and if/when God blesses you with another baby, you can chose to be a SAHM for a while longer. I understand your thinking, I really do but just remember that life is full of possibilities and nothing is set in stone.
ReplyDeleteGood luck and *hugs*!
I'm a bad one to ask. I have a college education and I am selfish. I stay-at-home. I've worked off and on over the years, but haven't worked at day in the last 6.5 years (when I got with my current husband). He doesn't want me to work. He wants me to be ready for every need of the kids, and to be honest, I don't want to work either. I do miss it at times and I would love not to be stressed about money, but if I never go to work out-of-the home again that would be great. On the other hand, you are right...if the family needs you to work you may want to seize this opportunity. Good luck with your decision.
ReplyDeleteI'm certain whatever you choose, everyone will support your decision. Honestly, I'd probably go back to work if I were in your position with a job offer on the table. I don't think you have to give up on having another baby though. I think any work experience you build up is going to look good no matter how long you are there. If you happen to have another baby, you can always choose to stay at home again. There are no rules! You could also take classes online if you are wanting to further your education for employment reasons. There is a lot of scholarship/student aid out there.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, you know what is best for your family. I think you've done the hardest job(so I've heard) there is for many years, so I doubt there is much you cannot accomplish!
That is such a tough decision. I love staying home with my baby and probably will for at least a few more years. However, I suffer a lot of guilt for my students loans that are taking money out of our budget, while I'm not contributing to it.
ReplyDeleteWould it be possible to quit the job or go back to part time if you did have another baby? I'll say some prayers for you to make the right decision and find peace with it.
This is a tough one. Everybody needs to do what is best for their family, whatever that may be. I think you have the answer deep inside on what is right but something is tempting you, therefore making it a struggle. I can tell you, I have never regreted doing what I felt was right for the family but anytime I went outside of that, there were regrets.
ReplyDeleteFollow your heart.
Jodi
i think you need to pray about where god leads you. that's truly what will be the most blessed.
ReplyDeleteof course it's way easier said than done. waaaaaaay easier. and you do support your family. maybe not with 'money' but with love. support. open arms. cleaning. cooking. just being there. i think that's more supportive than money.
we don't know what god has in store for us. you may think that there is no baby in your future. but remember that god sees the bigger picture. the whole picture. and we just get a glimpse of what it is.
what would i do? you ask. and i would pray. and pray some more. and truly know that whatever decision is layed on my heart is the one god wants me to be doing.
praying for you!!
and, because i just thought of it! you can go to my wildtree site and pick out something you'd like to review. and i'll get it sent to you!! just let me know!
Wow, this is really deep. I totally know what you mean. WE are in the wanting another baby but not knowing if it's right, right now. I feel like an answer will come to you and you will just *know* it's right. Good luck to you with whatever you decide!
ReplyDelete