Sometimes life gets ahead of you, and other times you get ahead of life. I have days when I feel like I’m doing them both. This post is going to be quite random because my mind is all over the place. See I can’t even wrap my mind around what’s going on through it long enough to type a sentence that makes grammatical sense. So here just goes my thought bubble.
The medicine the doctor prescribed me for my depressing/anxiety attacks sits in my medicine cabinet. I haven’t taken it in about a week. I was feeling so good, and the medicine was making me feel all jittery, one day I forgot to take them. By the time I realized it I figured I’d take it at supper time. Of course I forgot later as well. Seems like it’s gone on like that since last week. The sucky thing? I needed them, and still do. The reason I was in a cleaning mood and getting things accomplished? The pills. My house hasn’t been quite as clean since I quit taking them. I just need to start them again, but not sure how/when/why. I know this is due to the depression as well. Maybe today.
My grandma is in the nursing home. My dad’s mom, my grandma who lives less than a mile from here. The one who I grew up with. She’s not doing well. She’s been in the nursing home since the day before we found out about loosing the baby. It was only supposed to be temporary. She got sick, and they sent her home from the hospital before they should’ve. She wasn’t strong enough to get around her house. So grandpa and I took her in to the hospital again trying to get her re-admitted. The instead put her in the nursing home, short term. She was supposed to be home by now. She was supposed to be home before Christmas. Another thing, we haven't told her about the miscarriage yet. We were afraid at first that it would set her progress back and then she wouldn't get to come home. Now I want to tell her. I know I shouldn't tell her when she is frail, but I need her to know. I need her to hold my baby, our baby, her great grand baby, the one she was so excited about. What would you do?
She quit breathing this morning. When grandpa admitted her, he signed a DNR. They had her in the lift when this happened so they went to lay her back in bed. She started breathing. THANK GOD. But she hasn’t been eating well, and there was a mass on her liver which they drained on Friday. Things just don’t look good. Please if you’re the praying type say a little prayer that God helps her find peace in the life she chooses to live from now on out.
****UPDATED**** As of 2:16 (while I was writing this post) my dad called to inform me they were going to admit her to the hospital. She is now refusing to eat, take medications, and isn’t doing too well. The kids and I are going to go see her after Dahrran gets home from school. These are a few pictures of her and Kaitlynn back from August. The last time we went out to get Grapes & Cookies. They always have grapes and cookies for the kids, and usually grandpa brings them to us. This day we went out there. Grandma usually has her wig on but we sometimes catch her without it. I think Kaitlynn looks JUST like grandma in every way. She has her hands, personality facial features you name it!
Then came our other Nephew! He was really having fun with it, and even had me take action shots of him making funny faces!!!
Then we've got Dahrran with Great Grandpa (my grandpa). They're buddies. Grandpa picks Dahrran up for Coffee and Rolls on Wednesday mornings, and then they go out to the farm to get grapes, cookies, marshmellows, peanuts, jellybeans, you name it they get it!!! It started out as grapes and cookies, now it's whatever Grandpa has to share, Dahrran comes home with!!!! I love that he's been able to have such a great bond with his great grandparents! I never got the chance to get to know any of my great grandparents. One of my great grandpa's is still alive, but I've never gotten to know him. I love the bond they've got!