It's hard to admit when you need help. Help with little things like doing the dishes. Help with big things like what's going through your mind.
Friday night was a scary night for me. The things going through my head hadn't been there before, but they were making me afraid of myself. It has been one month since we found out we lost baby #4. When I realized it, I just lost it. Somehow though I knew before I "knew" what day it was. I was having panic attacks most of the afternoon, and when I realized what day it was they got even worse.
It's hard to explain to someone who doesn't know what you're going through. I had a hard time talking to Joel about it, in fact he was upset because I wasn't talking at all. Sometimes you just don't know how to explain it. How to tell someone what is going through your head when you don't even know what is going through your head.
On Saturday morning I admitted what was going through to him and to myself. I realized that I needed help. I couldn't keep going on with the thoughts in my head. Thoughts I couldn't control, thoughts that scared the hell out of me.
So today I admit to you all that I needed help. Help fighting against what my mind is telling me to do. Help from my family & friends to support me in this fight. Help knowing I'm not the only one going through this, and the strength to move on.
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You took a big step, Amanda! We'll be praying for you.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry this is happening Amanda. I hope that something will work for you soon. I just read this and the newest post. I've had some times where some things happened medically and needed 'help'. Do whatever you need to do and take the time for you and your feelings.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry, Amanda. You are most certainly in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteHopefully this fog and ice will clear away soon and we can have a play date!
Saying "out loud" that you need or WANT help is a big step. Best of luck. You are better than me.
ReplyDeletei'm so proud of you amanda. for admitting it. so proud. because it's something it took me literally MONTHS to do!! praying for you. and if you ever need to chat let me know! :0)
ReplyDeleteand if you want to review anything wildtree...let me know. i'd love to sponsor that. :0)