The whole Story

We found out we were pg October 27. My grandma had just passed away the day before, and I was tired of Joel begging me to take a test, when I knew my period wasn't due for a few more days. We'd been trying for 6 months with no success. I took the test shortly after lunch, and it said positive. I was so excited, but was bound and determined I was going to tell Joel in a FUN way. So knowing I only had a few hours until he got home MacKenzie and I headed to the basement to make a shirt for Kaitlynn. We painted and labored away, and before I knew it Joel was on his way home. Kaitlynn was still sleeping, so we had to wake her up, and unfortunately she was running a temp. She wasn't in much of a mood to wake up let alone change shirts and go to her daddy.

When Joel got home I had Kaitlynn meet him at the back door wearing her shirt that said "Big Sister in Training" and holding the test. I kept telling her give it to daddy. He just stood there shocked. Staring at her. It was priceless, and I'll never forget it. This was the first time I've surprised him. *With Dahrran I just told him scared, b/c I was still in HS he was in College. With MacKenzie I told him over the phone b/c I was so excited/scared, we were supposed to be getting married, and she was due 1 week before our wedding date. And well with Kaitlynn, he told me. I'd taken a test and it was negative, so I threw it away (after a year/months of trying I was tired of neg test) 2 hours later he goes in and takes it out and it was positive.*

Things went smoothly and we decided to wait until Thanksgiving to tell our families. This was the longest we'd ever waited to tell anyone. It got easier as the days went on, except when I wasn't feeling well. The pg hormones were kicking in and I was feeling more pg than ever. We told our families on Thanksgiving, and everyone was excited. At this point I still hadn't went to the doctor, but had taken the required OB class through the hospital so I could see my doctor. Everything was going good, so I wasn't in any hurry to get in. My dr doesn't usually see you until you were 10-12 weeks along, so I scheduled my appointment for 11 weeks.

At my dr. appointment on December 15, Joel & the girls went with me. My Dr. had a medical student working with him, and she came in first. She tried to find the heartbeat, but couldn't. We figured it was just because I'm a heavier girl, and she is new. When my Dr came in he went ahead and looked for the heartbeat first. After 15 minutes and still no heartbeat, he decided maybe baby was just being uncooperative and maybe after some messing with me during my PAP would help. He send DH and the girls out and we did all the girly stuff.
Dr. said my uterus was tilted (which I still know nothing about and why it's like that) and that he after better feeling he thought baby was in a certain spot. He went ahead and tried to find the HB again. After a few more minutes he said to me "It's early, and so I could just not be able to find it yet. We can have you come back in two weeks, you'll be 13 weeks then and it should be easier to find then." He went ahead and went out so I could get dressed and sent DH back in. When I got dressed, and he came back in he said "If you guys don't mind, I have one more patient, and then we could go down and do an u/s just to make sure things are okay." Of course we said yes, and waited.

We went in for the ultrasound and my bladder wasn't very full, and he couldn't see anything but the Gestational Sac. We were given the option of an internal ultrasound or eating lunch and coming back. Having the girls with us, and it being 12 (apt time was 10:45) we opted for lunch and filling my bladder. An Hour & full bladder later, we still couldn't see anything. They sent the girls out while we got the internal u/s ready and let the girls come back in. We then could see the little one. Baby was measuring 8w4d, and I was 11 weeks. Dr said well maybe your dates are off. I was 100% certain on my dates b/c I'd written them down.

He turns on the heart rate thing where they listen. Nothing. No heartbeat. Just whooshing. Nothing. Then he turns on the colored part where you can see the heart. Nothing. No color on the baby.

He goes ahead and tells me let's schedule another u/s in two days with the u/s tech and go from there. He was still saying something about my dates being off, but it was possible I'd miscarried. I was unsure what to do/say. We walked out and tried to schedule the appointment when he wanted it but couldn't b/c they were booked. I took the soonest appointment to when he wanted me there and left crying. A nurse from the clinic called me about an hour later and had set up and 8am appointment on Thursday December 17.

We showed up 10 minutes early for the u/s and waited. I had a full bladder but the u/s tech couldn't see anything but the Sac again. We opted for the internal u/s again, and then saw the babe. Baby was measuring 8w6d. So we had hope. The baby had grown in two days, and we had hope. Until we turned on the little color part. There was still no color. The u/s tech ended the u/s then, and said I'm so sorry, patted my knee and told me where the things were to clean up and to leave the door open when I was done.

Just like that.

I was sent home, and told my doctor would call. Joel & I didn't say 5 words the whole way home.

When he called he told me that after looking over my numbers it was certain that I was miscarrying. He prescribed me Cytotec and told me how to take them and what not. He told me the things I needed to do, and I vaguely remember what he said. All I knew is I was supposed to take these pills, and within 24 hours it would be over.

It’s now been almost 3 weeks since we first knew something was going on. It’s been hard. It’s been rough, but at the same time I thank God because I’m alive, and this too shall pass. God knows my path in life, and knows which road I should take even if I don’t believe him right now.

I’m not going to try and be a downer this New Year. I’ve got some fun posts about our Christmas, and such coming up so please stay tuned. I mainly wanted this here for reference. So I don’t ever loose it!