Saturday, November 17, 2007

Smiling on the outside, crying on the inside

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Current mood: confused

It's been such an emotional week, where do you begin.

So I've been doing more research on Kaitlynn's condition. When we first started this process of learning about her condition, Jennifer brought up to us that there was a new type of surgery out. It is known as the Endoscopic Strip Craniectomy. It's a less invasive type of surgery, and is a lot easier on little Kaitlynn's body.

I've talked with some really wonderful ladies this week, who've been in my shoes. One whos's son is now 8 and a beautiful big guy, and another who's son is 17 months and has just graduated from his helmets. These ladies have given me the support I've needed to carry on, even when the days didn't seem to have a light at the end of the tunnel.

God has given us a new light at the end of this long dark tunnel, and it is up to us to decide what is right for Kaitlynn. The decision isn't going to be an easy one, mainly because of the finacial issue, but it's something we've got to do. As a parent you don't realize that some of your decisions will affect your children for the rest of their lives, until you come to a situation that will give you the time to think about it. I've done a lot of thinking this week, and crying too. Man it sucks to be a strong person. Sometimes I wish I was weak, I wish we didn't have to deal with the things we do. But I do know that God wouldn't have put us through this if he didn't intend to help us along the path.

Joel's niece was also diagnosed with the same conditon as Kaitlynn, last week. So now I've got someone to talk to about it, but I don't want to say things that people said to me that I'd just wish they hadn't. It's hard to offer support when you're also going through it, and you don't know what to say to make it better. Because not many words can convey your feelings as a parent. Until this week, and finding out about little Olivia, I thought I was handling it all so well. Maybe it's just because I thought "we'll deal with it when surgery comes", and it will all be okay. And now I'm realizing that surgery is closer than we know.

Wether we go with the full CVR surgery in Omaha, or the Endoscopic Strip surgery in San Antonio, it's going to be a long hard road. I just hope it doesn't come too fast, and I hope it doesn't move too slow!

Please everyone keep us in your prayers! I just pray that if the surgery in San Antonio is for us, God will find a way for us to travel down there.