If you’re new here you might not know that we’ve had a miscarriage. Only one, so please don’t feel overly sorry for me there are moms out there who truly know the loss. We’re just amatures when it comes to this whole thing. We have friends who’ve had multiple losses and have no kids yet. So I don’t really feel that bad for myself. I mean come on, I have 3 perfectly healthy children what more could I ask for.
But yet there is this sinking feeling every time someone else tells me they’re pregnant. I get angry. Upset. Anxious. And then the joy sets in for them. Some how the feeling fades away and I become happy for them. But until that feeling passes I put on a happy face and tell them Congratulations. It’s just how I deal.
I don’t want to deal anymore. I want to be. I want to truly be happy for them when they tell me, excited for them. After all it’s been over a year, shouldn’t I have moved on by now. Though when July rolls around I know I’m going to cry. We should’ve been celebrating our sweet little baby’s first birthday. Instead we’ll carry on, and get through the day.
What’s harder almost though than knowing someone else is carrying a baby, is the face Joel gets when he finds out. It’s pure disappointment. He wants another baby just as much as I do. The baby we lost was one that brought us together after a rough patch in our marriage. The loss brought us closer. We’ve struggled to figure out where to go from here since, but have finally found a common path. One we want to head down together.
So tell me, how do you over come this? Will I feel like this, until we complete our family and have another baby? What if that day never comes? That is the real question.
I can't answer your question because I still struggle with it as well. After having 2 miscarriages, I am afraid to try again, and yet still get sad when people tell me they are pregnant. I'm fine when they have the baby. It stings a little but it gets easier with each one (4 friends had babies this month)!
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